This previously ran in our February 2022 print issue.

February: the month associated with love, hearts, and romance. As we’ve progressed into the modern age, the building-up period of romantic relationships has advanced too. The old-timey days of anxiously waiting to be picked up for a romantic first-date, complete with an enchanting night of getting to know each other, flowers (if you’re lucky), and maybe even a cute little kiss at the door are dead. Now, with iPhones and social media, a new phase of romance has been added to the mix: the talking stage.

I hate it.

If you ask me, the “talking stage,” a lot of the time, just ends up being a disappointing waste. A bad investment, if you will. What’s the point of investing valuable amounts of time with a person if you’re not fully sure you want to continue to grow and build with them?  The gray area that comes in between being single andor taken is a hotbed for necessary insecurity and communication issues, if not handled in the way that you want it to go. If you’re not entirely sure of your end destination, you’re basically just poking around in the dark desperately seeking any shred of affection that may or may not come your way. 

Now, I will concede to the point that relationships do have to start with a period of getting to know the other person before the two of you fully commit to one another, but is texting (or even worse, Snapchatting) for months on end with little to no face-to-face interactions really the way to get there? This might be my very strong Cancer Venus speaking, but it seems to me like most talking stages just provide people with the emotional benefits of a relationship without any of that pesky commitment. 

The criteria for an acceptable, not overly-drawn-out talking stage is this: the maximum amount of time you can initially go without hanging out with the person is two weeks. And after that, if a month has passed and no one has’s tried to take things further — jump ship. I’m serious. Don’t waste your precious time. 

Here’s the deal: if you like someone and you’ve been talking for a while, just take control of your life and ask them out. The worst thing that can go wrong is they say “no,” and even if they do, so what? With this new information, you can have peace of mind and hopefully move on with your life. And obviously if it goes well, you’ll be glad that you got the balls to get what you wanted.