As the fall of my senior year begins, it hits me that this really is my last year. High school stands for everything I hate: early mornings, long class periods in generic-looking rooms, large crowds, strict schedules, and so much more. Yet, despite it all, I can’t help but feel a sense of sadness when thinking about leaving and what my future holds.
Filling out college applications hasn’t exactly been fun, but as I sit in front of my computer, trying to encapsulate precisely who I am in only 650 words, I can’t help but pause and think, “How did I get here?”
It feels like I was walking into high school only a few months ago as a freshman. Back then, college felt so distant, something I’d deal with much later. Suddenly, that “later” I thought about has now become my entire reality. Though only a few weeks into my senior year, I can already feel the pressure of college building. Something that should be exciting and monumental, but instead, it feels surreal and unnerving. The pressure of finding the “right” college to begin the rest of my life hits hard. Whether it’s overhearing conversations in the hallways or relentless questions from my family, the expectation of being a senior is clear: have a plan.
Unfortunately, I still find myself asking: What do I want?
The truth is, I still don’t know. Though there are many things I’d enjoy doing, how do I know I will be content five years from now? 15 years? 30? Will I be old and gray, regretting my decisions from 17?
The pressure to clearly envision your future at 17 or 18 is unrealistic. Very few people, let alone teenagers, have everything figured out. And yet, there is an unspoken expectation that we should know exactly what we want to do and where we want to be. The college application process feels more like I’m guessing on a test I forgot to study for on an unfamiliar subject. It’s not just applying to a school — it’s trying to map out a future I haven’t even fully imagined.
Though the year has just begun, the pressure is on. Being told that these next few months are pivotal. Every essay, every extracurricular, and every score feels like it could make or break the future. The truth is, no matter how much you’ve accomplished in high school, the college application process makes you question whether it was enough. For a process that is supposed to be about figuring out and celebrating who you are, it often leaves me doubting myself.
Balancing courses, working, leadership positions, good grades, and still maintaining a social life through high school has always been a challenge, but something about the realization that this is it, makes it so much more impactful.
Amid all my stress, I tend to forget what this process is really about: challenging myself. Though college has been framed as the ultimate goal for most of my school life, it is only one step in a much longer journey.
The beginning of the rest of my life is only a few months away. Whether I know exactly what I want to do or not, the future is full of possibilities—and that is something worth looking forward to.
