My birthday passed in January, but I’ll happily continue sharing the wishes on my 18th birthday list. The next and fourth wish on the list: when I’m 18, I’ll stop waiting and fill my life with love.

I always catch myself asking the world — where is my love? Is it within a passion so true that I’ll never let go? Or am I waiting for a special someone within the crowd?

I’ve been stuck on this question forever and February, the season of love, has me wishing that my life were adorned with flower petals and filled with answers. So yeah, I’m hopeless, but I love to love. I love nature, art, and music — and I love the wind because in all seasons I think it leads me to something I hadn’t loved before.

I love the things I do, but I get frustrated that I’m not great at those things, and I get frustrated when I feel like I’m not passionate enough. To love reading, do I have to read everyday, my books a massive pile on the floor? And to love art, do I have to paint everyday, my sketchbooks falling apart in my hands? If so, I’m not a reader or an artist and I don’t enjoy those activities enough to love them.

I’m also not afraid to admit that I’m one of the many who have their eyes glued to silly slice-of-life stories. Whether it’s a book or movie, I can’t look away, and I get lost in what feels so close to home. When I was little, what would catch my attention most were shows simply about how beautiful friendship can be.

For the longest time, what I wanted most was a friend like the ones you see in those stories. I wanted a friend who would always be there for me and always make me smile. Someone who would just make life a little bit brighter. So I waited, and in the meantime, my dog was probably my best friend, even though she doesn’t even know what my name is. Shout out to my lovely fluffy companion who I met on Feb. 14 many years ago.

Waiting, even though I’m patient, is definitely one of the worst feelings. Still I waited and waited to meet a person like that, and one day I did. Now I have many friends and they’re all people that were worth the wait.

However, I’ve noticed that instead of enjoying all the things I love now, I’m waiting for things to fall apart. Graduation could potentially ruin my life, tearing away all of my safety and security while leaving me with skills that are nowhere near perfected. So to combat this, I want to learn how to enjoy living in the moment without the pressure of being amazing at everything I pursue, and most importantly, I want to live without feeling like I’m missing out on love.

People say that you don’t have to be in love right now, and that you’re not guaranteed love in the future, so don’t go out of your way looking for it. I don’t believe that.

I’ve learned that there’s so many things to love in every ordinary day. You don’t have to wait for something you already have. I’ll stop waiting and thinking that love is so far away from me, because it’s not. I have so many things to love, and I’ll keep filling my life with more loveliness.